Chapter 4 excerpt
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What Women Want
From my past experiences stimulating a womanís clit, either with your fingers or your mouth, is a genuine way for them to reach orgasm. However, my informal survey tells me that these are techniques that most men are not very skilled at. When Iím with my lady I like to let her tell me whatís working for her. I call it verbal feedback. She knows her body better than I do, what feels good, how hard I should rub and where I should rub, so I like to take my cues from her. So donít be afraid to speak up, your man doesnít always know what heís doing, even if he has the tools to please you, show him how to use those tools the right way on you. Nina Hartley is good friend of mine, sheís an older woman, with a lot of experience, the first time I ever worked with her, I noticed how she carefully guided me to do exactly what she wanted me to do, by power of suggestion. I was encouraged to try a different technique, because she gave me confidence in itís results. In the bedroom or where ever you choose to have sex, you have the same power to encouraged and illicit a better result. Being a man I know how stubborn we can be, that we can be resistant to change. I suggest finding a common sexual goal one that is out of reach for the both of you, but assure your man, that you can reach that goal together. Find out a fantasy that he wants to achieve, one that interest you as well and start out on that road together. Suggest some of the things you need to get you in the mood to make those moments happen. How do you get an old dog to do new tricks? Offer him treats along the way. First, offer your man a reward for performing a desired behavior when that behavior occurs naturally. Initially, the reward should be selected to be irresistible, like a blowjob during a Lakerís game, while you hold his beer or a favorite dinner served hot and while wearing a sexy provocative outfit. The frequency of his performing the behavior will increase if the reward is appreciated. This done overtime, will encourage him to respond to your sexual suggestions. Remember this women, itís not what you say itís how you say it. Use your voice to offer reassurance, show appreciation and offer guidance.

When using his hands around your private spot guide his hand to the spot that turns you on the most and help him to know whatís too hard or not hard enough. Direct him on how to rub, or stimulate you, and be sure to tell him as well as show him that you like what heís doing. So depending on what kind of dude your with, you may have to be slick about it to get him to do certain things. Move your body to where you want his hands to follow, adjust your hips or gyrate them in a way that stimulates you and shows him how to turn you on. Communicate your desired results, your clit is a sensitive area, but Iíve learned from experience it can also become uninterested and unmotivated. Touch is important when stimulating the clitoris area, patient and precision is key to doing it successfully.

Being demanding in the bedroom might turn some guys off, while others will love the fact your telling him what to do. When I want a girl to do a better job at giving me head, I compliment her on what she is doing and then I suggest how she can do it better. So during the act of going down on me, she hears my suggestions and makes the necessary adjustments. If a woman looks at me for approval or with an interest of how I am responding to what she is doing, I express what I am feeling. Sometimes I holler out loud or roll my eyes into the back of my head. Some women like to have their breast massaged while giving head or their hair stroked, even spoken to in a degrading way. Nothing wrong with calling her a nasty bitch, if you truly mean it in a nice way, talking dirty to her while performing any kind of act, keeps things dirty and perverted. Keeps your mind off shit you donít need to think about and keeps you focused on the task at hand.

Speaking of hand or (hands when necessary), using them while stimulating the sexual parts is key to bringing on full sexual satisfaction. For both men and women, having clean hands is not only pleasing to the eyes, but also a sign of good hygiene. It keeps the woman from getting bacteria, infections or becoming turned-off. And for men, when a woman uses her hands as well as her mouth over the penis, it creates a sensation that can almost simulate vaginal sex. I call it the ďfluteĒ method, but should be called the ďclarinetĒ, because when done right it resembles an instrument in a womanís mouth with both hands wrapped around the tool, creating musical note. When I use my hands on a womanís clit, I make sure to use certain fingers, like the middle finger, because itís longer and reaches deeper areas. I keep my finger wet by saliva/spit or I use my tongue against her pussy lips first, before I insert a finger.

Brothers, believe me, I know youíre turned on by the sight of your woman spread out below you, naked and exposed but be gentle when you touch her clit, itís a very delicate and sensitive organ. Be sure to use a lubricant, such as her vaginal fluids or use your or her saliva. I prefer to use K-Y Liquid, itís water-based, and itís not too thick or sticky. I definitely recommend that you stay away from heated lubricants. Iíve found they actually make the vaginal walls drier. They use a chemical that might not react well with her natural way of getting wet. I always suggest trying to go natural at first, try to stimulate her or turn her on so she might become wet on her own. But if not, then there is nothing wrong with bringing in outside moisture.

Make sure to use your whole hand, touch her stomach, and stroke her pussy. Separating the lips gently, lubricate your fingers and apply light pressure to her clit. Use individual fingers that do separate things to the vagina area. One to insert, another to rub and still another to apply light pressure, your hand is a weapon use it sparingly...

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