Journal 2012
First week into 2012 and Iím doing alright, hustliní and scheming, making things happen. Connecting the dots, putting people together, getting money from my situations, grinding like a knife across stone. Mind over matter. Let me put my mind on these matters and keep my cool. Allow my body to function as a provider for whatever my mind thinks to do. Keep the sharp end where it can be seen, so theyíll move back, to the side if thereís room. A New Year of difficulties should be met with new ideas of opportunity.

To grind is to take time and push forward like the days of the month, to take minutes and turn them into hours and bundle them up in days, work through seasons to reach and arrive at your goals. Time passes and New Years comes again. I wish you a better New Year and a phenomenal rest of the Year. See you on the grind...

Journal Happy New Year 2012
Happy New Year, drop the baggage like a bad habit it will do you NO good in the New Year. Got to be swift, flexible and unhampered by the backpack of emotions you carry around. Before you drop the feelings of love, guilt and hopefulness realize those arenít only in your emotional pouch, they are also ingrained into your soul being. But as any vacuum cleaner that plugs into this world, you accumulate a bunch of shit you didnít mean to suck up. Thankfully we donít have to carry it around, press the reset button. Renew your thoughts, ideas and inspiration.

At this time in my life, I can appreciate a New Year, more than I can a birthday. I like the fact that itís everyoneís birthday sort of itís a day to celebrate with strangers, itís a new day for everybody, a new opportunity of whatever may be.

I may be decades behind in my thinking, because there are so many who thought this a long time ago and started planning shit at 4 and 8 year intervals, I can appreciate where those thoughts originated from. I had them myself. But I only offer my opinion after thinking it, day-to-day has become my Motto. And I say that after a day of dispute, writing it and deleting it, stopping it, discussing it selfishly, creating a why it should not existÖ.when it already existed, just couldnít kill it fast enough.

Ok, so Happy New Year, I say live good and give good day-to-day, you may think differently, but at the least ya know you only have today to liveÖso live it to the fullest.

Journal December 2011
End of the year bullshit Imma be real about it, I wish you the best, but dam, shit ainít easy out there. You could have a blessed day and the next day back to the muthafuckin grind. Thatís what it takes, grind, whether youÖwhere you wanna be or just getting there, it doesnít stop. Thatís what you need to know, there is never ďwe made itĒ itís always gonna be ďwe making itĒ. Real shit.

This year flew by for a reason, cause there are things that need to be done, we donít have time to chill and smell the weed. Going into the New Year, itís obvious we gotta put in work in order to leave a better situation for those behind us. Itís cool; cause those hard driving muthafuckas wouldnít want it any other way.

My year personally has been as challenging as usual, I had the thought, why did I sign up for this? What the fuckÖor why the fuck did porn become such a cutthroat business? One moment Iím having crazy sex and I enjoy it and the next Iím wondering why the hell am I still here doing this. I look at my fellow performers and they all seem happy with this current situation. Havenít heard a peep from anyone saying ďDam, I need a change in my lifeĒ. Ainít gonna lie, having sex makes me feel good, lucky and manly. Almost invincible like I can do anything and that good sex I just had proves it. Truth is, itís a fleeting moment, it comes and quickly goes, cause I have to have sex again to confirm Iím still invincible. Lately I havenít been a sexual dude, but more of a sexual dude who is studious. Observing what is happening around me and to me. I made the resolve that I would apply myself more to what I wanted to see done, what I needed to do for Daddy, Inc. and how it all can be run as a business. As far as the sex scenes and the porno go, Iíll take a job as it comes, but I realize I need to be in a position of creation, that thatís why I got into porn, it caused my mind to create sexual situations and act in them.

I know Iím overdue for that experience, in some ways Iíve had thatÖthose moments, but imagine having a conscience an awareness that didnít exist before. Imagine. Then thatís exactly where and what Iím going through.

The idea is to create a company that supports a vision Iíve always had; that porn is socially sexual, but genuine sexual inspiration was individual. Even within this business Iíve had people try to put me in a sexual box. As though those before me defined me. Being an individual was seldom tolerated, even in porn. Itís cool, I just learned to play the background, listen and learn from those doing the talking. But because of what they say, I benefited from what they were saying I learned a few things. Iím still learning, I donít know what I should know, but I am applying what Iíve learned so far, gonna keep moving forwardÖsome way, some how. I wish it was just about the sex, but thatís not the case. Think about what you believe inÖis it really that simple? Yeah you can holler it is, but itís complicated. Even sex is simple, but complicated. Think about it.

I wanted to say before this year ended, that I appreciate those who come to the site, become a member and never looked back. I know is a site in progress, but it is finding itís way.

I want to open doors and keep them open for the other brothaís who work hard in this business and support the sistaís who find their way into porn. But overall I want Daddy, Inc. to mean something beyond porn. Itís been a challenge and the New Year offers an opportunity to overcome those challenges, but your support is what gives me the strength and drive. And those that know me, know Iím a driving muthafucka. Happy Holidays and I wish you and your family the best.

Journal 2011 Just A Dream
Thought I killed someone, but it turned out to be only a dream. When I woke, I was relieved, canít have that kind of burden on my shoulders especially when I still have a long way to go. What had happen was, I dreamt I was about to have sex with a girl I had just met, she was wearing these white shorts that barely covered her ass and she wore dark red knee high socks that revealed a few inches of skin between her nylon socks and polyester shorts. Her top was an all white tee with a black and red print of a girl bent over a chair eating a fried chicken leg and a dog nipping at her thighs hoping to get a few crumbs. We met in the water I was swimming and she was dog paddling with a bucket of KFC on her surfboard. Cut to a room where all the lights were yellow, mustard yellow with a dark tint. Her in that white outfit while I found myself wearing a tuxedo made of leather. She had baby oil on a dresser I tried to speak and tell her what to do with it, but she already was pouring it down the collar of my suit, what the hell was happening. A phone started ringing it was hers and she began complaining into the phone to some guy named lil Wayne what I remember her saying was ďitís my turn to get off, your 3,000 miles away and you canít do shit about itĒ and at that very instance, the door to the main room burst open and there was this dude lil Wayne standing there with a Tech 9 behind his back like Ice-T on the Power album cover. He instantly pointed the Tech 9 in my direction, ďwtfĒ I thought, all I wanted was some pussy, fried chicken, to wear some leather and get massaged in baby oil.

When I looked back in his direction the gun had turned into a microphone and we were in a recording booth. Oh shit, Iím about to rap, but before I could utter a single word, the girl who had changed into some lingerie from Victoria Secret started rapping like she was Nikki Minaj or something ďÖyour love your loveĒ I was about to say ďshorty Iím gonna tell you this once, youíre the illestÖĒ and then this lil Wayne character started singing something about ďÖnow you in this corner trying to put it together, how to loveĒ I knew this was a dream because the video hoes werenít dancing or shaking their asses, they were instead studying for finals. Paper and pencils, books and notepads and all the girls were wearing nothing but underwear. This was my kind of dream except for that lil Wayne guy, he was fucking up my vibe, I had to get rid of him, out of the corner of my eye, I seen that girl Darlene, Ice-Tís ex standing there holding that same sawed-off shotgun she was last seen holding on the Power CD cover. She must have read my mine, because before I could say anything she handed me the shotgunÖoh shitÖlil Wayne Iím about to get you, but before I could pull the trigger, a DJ (I donít know where he came from either) gave me a shout out on the mic. All I heard was ďshout out to Mr.Marcus in the club tonightĒ and before I knew it someone turned on the lights in the club and I saw all those video hoes wearing nothing at all, butt naked shaking their asses with books in their hands. I tried to make a step towards them, but at that very moment I woke up. DAMMMM!!!

Journal 2011 HAPPY NEW YEAR
First let me say, HAPPY NEW YEAR, almost a month inÖand life is moving full steam ahead. You ready? Wear a seat belt and try not to keep your foot on the brakes. Started out wanting to write a lot more consistently than I have. Apologies. Been a helluva year, had me eating and saying ďfuck itĒ more than usual. Iím slowly coming back to what I need to do. Or what I ďwantĒ to do. Itís the same thing, really it is. Girls, sex and family, sometimes moneyÖI could mix it up for you, if you gave a fuck. Any given day one takes precedent over the other. Priorities are disciplined tasks organized.

Girls are a constant attention getter, itís almost funny that in the middle of some direct conversation concerning a financial situation that needs the attention you give a recent car accident, that during the discussion of my current state of finances I think about sex. After the thought has been thoroughly thought out, I come back to earth, usually in disappointment cause I canít act out half of what I thought. But in that time frame in the moment it takes to realize that your attention is needed urgently in some dire situation that you happened upon, I think of family and money. Donít we all? And girls and sex have no place in that conclusion. Through my life it consist of proving it does, donít know how Iím gonna prove that, but Iím giving it a shot.

So in this convergence of thoughts I come up with writing as the best method to dealing with what Iím thinking. Feel me now. Iím coming back and I hope itís worth it for you to read what I write. Sex, girls, money and family, but not always in that in order if I must be honest, love makes its way into every and all conversations, discussions or typed word. Hope you come back for more, shit I hope I can continue to come up with more shit to sayÖwrite.

Journal November 2010 "Porn we have a problem"
Porn has a problem. The testing system we currently have in place needs an revision. As it stands now, adult performers are requested to test every 30 days for HIV and venereal diseases such as gonorrhea, Chlamydia, syphilis, this test is not mandatory it is suggested, but if you want to work in the adult industry it is required. Iíve been in the business since 1993, Iíve taken over 200 HIV tests, the industry began the necessary testing of stdís a little over 10 years ago, both HIV and STD testing is done together at the same time, Iíve taken the combined test at least a 100 times. During my time in the industry Iíve witnessed 2 major HIV outbreaks and 2 individual cases. Iím no expert on the disease, but with each incident I educated myself and in turn learn more about the disease. This comes from knowing the people involved either in a professional way or a personal one. In both of the major exposures I knew the people who became exposed to HIV and/or infected by the disease. Experiencing those incidences closely and witnessing the reaction, I can be honest and say I didnít acknowledge the risk. Attribute that to naivety and lack of knowledge.

The first real instance where I became aware of HIV and itís relation to porn performers, was in 1997 when a performer by the name of Marc Wallace who tested positive for HIV, but instead of notifying producers of his status and doing the right thing and cease to perform any further, he instead proceeded to forge his test and continue working. By the time it was discovered his test was forged he had infected 5 girls with HIV. Personally Iíve always wanted to hear his reasons for doing that, but the industry did a funny thing, it never really addressed it. But we were faced with the task of changing our procedures and making our testing system well aimed at protecting performers, plus implement a standard that holds porn performers accountable and responsible to each other. What followed that was a change in our testing procedures. Up until the Marc Wallace incident the industry only tested every 3 months. So for almost 2 months he worked unsuspectingly with unknowing female performers. That he worked so long without being detected and with a forged test, was a grave mistake on the adult industries part, that he did what he did at all, was a fucked up situation that didnít have to happen. Fast forward to 1994 and performer Darren James and again the industry finds itself dealing with another HIV outbreak, but this time the media gets a hold of the story and takes it nationally. Just so happens at the time, certain companies and performers in adult were enjoying crossover and mainstream attention. This was unfortunate for Darren, because he was a low-key performer and wasnít looking to be noticed. But because of the timing he became a bigger story, the story of an adult performer who regrettably had become HIV positive this gave the mainstream media an opportunity to present a different perspective to a popular industry. Immediately Darren James was in the news, every major news outlet had his picture either on TV, in the newspaper or blasted on the Internet it was the story of a black man with HIV, Americaís nightmare finally had face.

Under normal guidelines in Los Angeles County if you take a test for HIV and you test positive then your assigned a number and someone from the health department contacts you and offer resources throughout the Los Angeles area that are designed to help you with the disease. All of this is done to keep the infected anonymous. But not if they are in porn, then it becomes public knowledge and itís broadcast on the local news and then it gets picked up nationally by every other major news outlet. Darren James had no time to warn his family, who discovered he was HIV like everyone elseÖon the news. From there the story grew beyond Darren, turns out, he unknowingly infected 3 female performers. Dam, shit was about to hit the fan, families gotta have the Talk with their kids, students were talking about condoms and abstinence and cheating husbands had to not look guilty. HIV was in the news just where they wanted it. Awareness was prevalent, porn was responsible and the adult industry became a proactive business. But this was only the beginning this was almost 5 years ago. Things were just getting startedÖ


Journal October 2010
Trying to turn my attention and energy to something else. Iíve been acting like sex is my escape. It kinda isÖit helps, definitely. Unfortunately it doesnít last long enough to sustain the distraction Iím looking for. Iíve been going through many changes, asking myself; Who am I? What the fuck am I doing? What am I aiming to accomplish by doing all this? Even asking Why Porn? The root of all this is tied into everything that has happened within the past few weeks. My sister, her kids, my kids, family, finances and everything else that happens to you when your just living a life. I talked to someone earlier, they said I was conflicted..hell yeah Iím conflicted I actually think thatís normal considering everything that has happened. How else am I supposed to be? Iím sure about some things, positive about the outcome, but other things Iím not so sure about so yeah I guess you could say Iím conflicted. Currently Iím sitting in my office sipping a Heineken Light, been drinking a lot lately, almost as if itís an escape, a brief escape, from whatever madness I have going on in my mind. And Iíve spent an infinite amount of hours playing Call of Duty online. I know what I have to doÖor better yet I know what I want to do, but it all seems to be derailed by my sisters passing. Though I know that, she in spirit needs me to pull it together. I donít know why Iím saying all this, future investors or anyone of ill will, might read all of this as a weakness, but I believe it can give you strength, like you never imagined. In a genuine way, thatís all Iím seeking, real answers that speak to me beyond the questions.

Journal October 2010
Tough month for me, things change in an instant. Tears swell in my eyes and I have to take a deep breath, I lost my sister and I feel her missing and itís out of my control. Her name is Roxanne Marie Young and sometimes I would call her Rockhead, my mom would call her Roxy and she would call me Bighead. To be honest I never asked her whyÖI just assumed she was getting me back for saying her head was like a rock hard to get through. It was a brother & sister thang, we get into arguments and then she would call me by my middle name (which I really hated) she knew I hated it, thatís why she did it. Now I miss hearing it, itís sad that as Iím writing this I hear her calling me by middle name over and over, Iím laughing a little, cause I know it was our thing. Her way of communicating with her big brother, she had a lot of things she used to do to me that drove me crazy, most sisters do. I intimidated her sometimes, especially if she wanted something from me Iíd act like an ass, she would call my cell in a voice that was shy and timid, it was an act, cause she had a fierce temper and I knew it, so when she called me like that, Iíd trip. But afterwards, I felt bad and Iíd call her back and ask her where she wanted me to send the money or sometimes Iíd drive out to Upland to see her and I would hang with her. Missing all of that. Every minute, every second and everyday Iím missing those little things that made us brother and sister. Itís been a few weeks and I know itís not going to get any easier without herÖmoments like now, when I think back when it was not that long ago, she was here, loving me like no other. Like only a sister can. Doesnít seem real and I get the sense that it will never seem real, sheís missing in my life. My heart knows her, misses her, my mind has memories of her and everyday brings thoughts of her, something I forgot. She will never be forgotten how can she be? She made me who I am she was a witness to everything I was doing. She let me know when I was doing some good, but she was quick to let me know when I was doing some bad. Lately Iíve been in a cloud, the rain coming is not a coincidence, thatís how I feel like there is no sunshine. Gloom has been a part of my life, a constant depression, even when Iím happy, thereís sadness in my smile. My sister has my heart, soul and mind. You wonder how do you continue functioning? What makes you go on? Iím holding on to the thought of her wearing the DaddyGirl hoodie I had given her on Mothers Day and her 3 kids who look at me and remind me of her every time I see them. They smile like her, laugh like her and most of allÖlove like her. I know she wants me to make something of Daddy, Inc., she was proud of it, but most of all she always said I could do anything. She said if anybody could do it, my brother can, she loved to call me Brother. Iíd hear it in the back of my head, but didnít think much of it, BrotherÖyeah I know Roxanne, but Iím just a brother nothing special. Now I feel like itís a special honor to be called Brother. It means something else, now. Something I must be to earn that title. Iím missing her and even now itís hard to write without tears swelling up in my eyes, her kids are my kids now, those little things she used to do that drove me crazy now make me wish she was here to continue to do them. I hear her in my headÖcalling me that middle name I hate to hear, calling me Brother, yelling at me cause Iím fucking up, but above all that I hear her say ďI love youĒ as she puts her huge arms around me and kisses me on the cheek. And that makes me smile and gets me through the day.

Journal August 2010
Iím up in the office, Iíve been working the late shift lately. My mind is being pulled in a few directions, determined to push Daddy, Inc., to the next level, handling shit with my book THE PORN STAR GUIDE TO GREAT SEX, which is sort of creating a problem with me, because I have yet to see it on any bookstores shelves. Meaning why is everybody elseís book about sex on the shelf, but my book you can only find and buy online? Why canít Borders, Barnes & Noble, or Book-a-Million or any of the hundreds of stores nationwide, even internationally carry the book in stores and on their shelves??? What the fuck is going on, I wrote a strong book and I canít get any placement on the shelf. I contacted different stores to see if they are carrying the book and the answer always is, ĎWeíve ordered one and itís on the wayí. Why just order ONE? Ömy mind is storing this experience as ONE to grow on. But I will be doing a mental push and hope I can get it into stores and on shelves cause thatís where it needs to start...
Iíve been on this travel trip lately. Iím chill now, but for the past few weeks Iíve been to Atlanta, Miami, New York, Chicago, Montreal, Oklahoma, New Orleans and even Kentucky (yeah, Iíve been lucky) bouncing around the country, going to conventions, parties and book signings. I gotta party in ever city Iím in, gotta happen or else I donít feel like I was really there. You wanna know what city rock the best? Gotta say Miami was number #1 without a doubt just by the sheer select crowd they bring into the club and the competiveness of the club promoters means they canít just bring anybody into the spot, they gotta bring ďthe HappeningĒ people, plus the venues are solid spots to party. Spacious, yet mysterious, DJís are highlighted and the music was fresh, original and body movin soul provoking. Yeah Miami is a hot spot, definitely. New York was #2, theyíve been doing the party thing for a minute, so they know how to do it, parties set against the New York backdrop, have little they can get wrong, itís a comfortable city to be in, especially after a long night of partying. Cabs, pizza joints still open and other wandering people let you knowÖthat you are not alone in the big city. Atlanta was #3, because itís a select city they pick theyíre parties with discretion, you have to search for the right one, but when you do find it, it might be so packed you canít move through the club with ease, better to be in VIP and stay in VIP. I partied hard out there, but it still seemed tamed compared to other cities Iíve been through.

Thatís all for now, my next Journal will be about all the commotion for Montana Fishburne. Crazy how someone comes along and makes you rethink everything you thought about porn, women and family. Maybe not in that order, but I canít lie, sheís affecting me on a whole other level. Being a dad of 2 young girls, being a pornstar and creating a career out of porn, plus having said some of the same things sheís saying in interviews, I feel like Iím in the inside looking out, I know where sheís coming from, Iím just surprised to hear it so clearly.
Come back later this week, Iím sure this next Journal will be a deep one...

Journal July 6, 2010
What a helluva week. Started it off with my book coming out on the 22nd of June. I threw a party the weekend before with some family and friends. It was a solid turn out, where I gave away some Daddy, Inc. clothing and a few copies of the book. Ya know Iím a professional partier so I rocked out. I followed that up with a trip to Playboy radio where I gave away two more copies of the book and bonus in the studio by Nikki Hunter. Mi vida loca. Later that week knocked out a few interviews with Cosmopolitan (a few quotes), AOL and GQ Magazine (Europe), not bad for a cat out of porn.
I then flew out to New Orleans for the Essence Music Festival, where I was on a panel titled Black Men: The Games, The Lies and the Truth. I shared the stage with Ed Gordon, Cousin Jeff, Hill Harper and Finesse MitchellÖyeah I know, what the fuck was I doing on the stage with those cats?! Shout out to Finesse for making me feel like I belong, telling the crowd that they probably donít recognize me fully clothed. Pretty much summed up what I was thinking.
(The panel went well, Iíll attach a separate journal with the questions asked and my answers to those questions at the end of this journal)
After the panel I headed to booth off to the side of the stage, to do my first book signing. Incredible. It was very cool to see a line of women, clutching the book in their hands waiting for me to sign it. I never imagined a day like this would come. I brought a few 8x10ís to sign just to give a way something more. After all the conventions and appearances Iíve done, I was a pro and it felt good to get feedback about the book. So far so good, my only problem with the book would be the illustrations I would have liked more of a diversity, but next time around, Iíll get the ones I want. Believe that. And I can go deeper in some of the chapters, expand on some of the topics and describe in a more clinical detail some of the aspects of human sexuality. But other than all that, Iím proud of my first book and what it has accomplished already. Sky is not the limit, but it is a goal.
After the book signing I headed off to see Janet Jackson perform at the Superdome, I was supposed to get a ride, which I did, but the closer we got to the concert, the more traffic we ran into, so I hopped out and walked the rest of the way, I had flashbacks to Katrina and the 1000ís of people who made the trek to the famous sports facility. The night was cool and crisp and I had on clean white v-neck, I looked at the streets and imagined the people trudging through water, unsure what the future hold, pulling the last of their belongings hoping that shelter was near to rest their weary bodies. Before I knew it I saw the huge structure in the foreground and realized I was humbled by my journey from the French Quarters, not because of successfully reaching my destination, but by those who had died making the same trek.
I found the VIP entrance right away, I was lucky, no need to wander the monumental building, I had found what I was looking for, immediately I showed my credentials and was allowed in the side stage VIP area, but that wasnít good enough, I couldnít see the stage from the side, luckily a few cats recognized me and said follow us, gladly I thought, as they headed to the front of the stage, security waved us on and midway through our walk, we were stopped by another security dude who told us to turn backÖdam, what the fuck was all I can think, while keeping a huge smile on my face, because it almost worked. As we were being escorted back to that side area, the original security cat who had waved us through spoke up on our behalf and told the ďhaterĒ security we were good, turns out the people who had recognized me had seats in the front row, my smile grew even bigger as we were lead unobstructed back to the front of the stageÖwhew. God is good. As I glanced over the crowd, I felt like my journey had reached itís goalÖto get to Janet as close as possible. If youíve never been inside the Superdome, you should, it is a massive framework that is a sight to see from the inside. I thought about beds, belongings and bodies that occupied the building in the summer of 2005 and how the very place we were currently celebrating was once a place of concern and despair. I decided to enjoy and be grateful.
Although I had no assigned seat, I found a few empty seats and claimed them as my own. We had walked in on the last set of Charlie Wilsonís ďThere goes my babyĒ. Which was joyous and embracing, I was about to lose my mind he is without a doubt the only original R&B cat around. After he acknowledge the entire band and back up singersÖone by one, he left the crowd with a wink and a smile. Yeah I want to be like him, if I ever grow up.
Once the intermission began, people started to mingle and look and see whom they were keeping company with. I smiled and winked at a few people, but my mind was focused on Janet and how fortunate I was to be in her presence. Once she came out and did her thang, I was a content cat, Iíve been a Janet Jackson fan since Different Strokes, but she really caught my attention on Good TimesÖRhythm Nation just sealed the deal. That night was a blessed night, I met some good people and walked the route that saved some lives and lost some lives, I was grateful for that. If you ever get the chance to stroll through New Orleans the city, do so, in doing so you will honor those who have died making that similar voyage. Iím glad Janet was there to greet me on my travel (she did actually at a after party I went to, she was there and told me she was a fanÖyep made my nightÖshit the fact that she said that made my life, 4real) and that in some way I was able to connect to the history of New Orleans through a simple concert and a walk.
Thank you again, New Orleans for being the special place that you are.

Discussion Questions/Points:
  1. There are a lot of ladies out here who are single and not necessarily by choice. For the ladies who are single and looking, what do you suggest they do to find their Mr. Right?

    Stop looking. Enjoy the company you are with at any given time. In this world you never know who will sweep you off your feet, better for it to be natural. People are everywhere, being yourself will attract those who like what they see.

  2. Is not having sex and automatic turn-off? What about sex too soon? Are you looking at me funny after?

    Not having sex is not an automatic turn-off. If it is, it says something about the man who is. Sex is another thing that should come naturally. Recognize early on if itís something you want to do with this person and even let them know and if waiting is a possibility then ask yourself and him is it mutually possible. Problem is you may not know if you are truly sexually compatible until your in the middle of actually having sex.

  3. What ways can I tell if a man is really into me?

    He cares what happens to you. And heís considering you being involved in his future.

  4. Can a man cheat and still love me? Should I forgive him if he cheats or is that just asking for him to do it again?

    I think a man can cheat and still love someone. There is the possibility that he may do it again and if he does itís his problem not yours. If itís something you feel can be rectified, then give the relationship a second chance.

  5. Is there anything I can do to stop my man from cheating or is that just all on him?

    No there is nothing you can do. To stop him from doing the act, but you can command his attention, keep his eyes on you, not just by appearance, but by thinking and using conversation. I think prevention is in the hands of the observerÖbeholder.

  6. How do I get him to insist on putting on a condom because there are men in 2010 who will try to talk me out of making him wear one?

    Yeah thatís a tough one, safe sex is still a personal issue, no matter how public the message. In my book, I offer many techniques that a woman can use on her man to get him to use a condom, most require a little preparation, but I think if your prepared enough to have a condom nearby, then be considerate enough to have also lube. That eases itís use and provides vaginal pleasure for the woman.

  7. How can I avoid being a jump-off? Is there anything I can do as a woman to get a man to take me more seriously?

    You should know whom your dealing with. If your friends tell you ahead of time, ďheís a playerĒ, then donít get mad, when he plays you. Demand he take you more seriousÖby being serious about it. If heís scared away by that, then youíve saved yourself the trouble.

  8. Letís just go there: what are yaíll expecting in the bedroom? Am I expected to swing from the chandeliers orÖ?

    We arenít expecting anything. There should be NO pressure in the bedroom. Having expectations could mean youíll miss out on the surprises that come with sex. Look forward to it, but also be open to the possibilities.

  9. If a manís not doing what I like in the bedroom, how do I tell him without hurting his ego that I need something else or he needs to do better?

    Give him a copy of my book The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex.

Journal May 29, 2010
I was thinking about sex last night and how difficult it is to explain to people without making the discussion to serious. Seems like the only way we can talk about fuckiní is by making it funny and non threatening. Then I realized I gotta lighten up, maybe finds ways to talk about the porn industry, but in a humorous way. Iíve taken the discussion and the topic and dwelled on it over and over again. For the past 16 years porn has made a impact on my life, both good and bad, the impression it leaves with people is to the extent that it never really leaves your mind, just finds a place to hide and reveal itself when necessary. Iíve made sex very necessary, but porn has another purpose, itís both intelligent and dumb. Itís not meant to intimidate, but it does, or numb you, but it has the capabilities. One way to prove this is to watch the same scenario with different people doing the same thing. Take for instance the glory hole. A personal favorite of mines actually, but the act is the same, girl goes into the bathroom, there are various holes cut out into the walls surrounding the toilet, she goes to use the bathroom, and out pops a penis in one of the holes. She says to herself, ďIím horny and this is perfect timingĒ so she proceeds to suck the penis and smiles to herself at her good fortune. The act is the same, but the girl is always different, the interest comes from whom the girl is. The way my mind works and the way I find it interesting is based on the fact that I believe the more unordinary the girl who does the most ordinary thing creates more of interest. Instead of the most ordinary girl doing the more unordinary thing. Not that I find glory holes ordinary, but itís the type of girl who does them, that makes it interesting as hell. If the girl seems like every other girl who has done them before, then the appeal is at a minimum. But the appeal comes from what I perceive as a out of the ordinary woman going into a bathroom and getting off on sucking a dick through a hole cut out in lavatory wall. That is where porn makes an impression thatís hard to shake. Porn creates a fascination where the fantasy exist in ones mind, but only concerns the thinker with a relevant thought. You have to believe it possible and porn has made it possible. It can be a dumb bitch on her knees or the girl of your dreams only the one who created the vision knows the true illusion. And for some of us, we take that thought very serious. Sexually serious.

Journal April 23, 2010
My personal life is not doing so well. FiguresÖthatís how it goes, business and career start to go well and then your personal life takes a nose-dive and your fighting the controls trying to pull it up and make it better and itís tough, cause I donít think Iím gonna be successful in doing that. I hate talking about my family, I try real hard to keep them in a good light as I do all this shit. But it ainít easy, and they have a list of things Iím not doing right. Itís a long list. Iíve had arguments with so many people in this past week, Iíve wondered is it me or them? Weíre battling for principle? Which makes them more defensive and me more defensive and increases the tension. I keep thinking Iím coming into a new environment and the frustrations Iím feeling are coming with the territory. My family is important, but there are times I wonder am I doing them any good? Will this work out for the better? Or are they right in thinking Iím just fucking everything up? I believe I have the capability to hurt people beyond physically and that the temper I keep in check is for a good reason. But there has been many times recently where I think that is the only option I haveÖto lash out! To strike what confronts me, that it will bring me peace. Lately Iíve asked myselfÖwhy am I thinking these thoughts? Iím unwilling to accept that as solution. Iím being honest and not exaggerating when I say, it has been challenging. This fight I have in my mind that wants me to express myself with anger at one thing and at all. But why must peace win out? What the fuck am I going to win by being peaceful? Thatís a real question and I had a real answer, until I thought about the power of prayer. Hmmm that might explain a few things, I havenít prayed about this problem since it developed, Iíve been trying to deal with it myself. And itís not working. But as Iím typing this, I immediately thought about the prayer I shouldíve done, but I didnít do this morning, once I realized I was feeling angry at my situations that I was meant to pray and I didnít. And because I didnít Iíve been forced to deal with an emotion Iím unfamiliar with but very aware of.
At this point I do not know the outcome. Iíll finish this by praying for patience, forgiveness and understanding. And hope this is a rare time of ire, that I know better than to get mad and that the real solution is peace.
God bless.

Journal April 13, 2010
Women love style and when someone has a unique approach, women respond. To standout and separate yourself from the pack, you must have style. I know women can seem intimidating to the average man, his words can fall on deaf ears and his actions go unnoticed. All that can change with an adjustment in mental attitude. You must have the confidence to get what you want, but first know exactly what it is that you want. Approaching women is a two-way street; itís beneficial to both man and woman, because it gives women the attention they seek and gives men the confidence they need to obtain other things in life. Itís the game we play with one another, to keep life interesting and challenging, sexual and inspiring. When I see a woman I am attracted to, I do a little observation, is she lonely, agitated, receptive, distant or approachable? I say those things, because when I meet someone, my goal is to improve their mood or demeanor. I want our conversation to be memorable and enlightening. But I also want to make an impressionÖa lasting impression. And having a unique approach with a little style goes a long way in achieving those goals. If a woman is in a bad mood I will try to lighten her mood with humor, thatís always a tough one cause being funny is hard. You risk the chance of not being funny and scrambling to find a recovery. Women notice that, they notice all of it, so itís best to be funny if it comes naturally to you much better to be yourself in any situation so itís best to go with your strengths. Whatever your strengths are use them, women are attracted to the confidence they sense in a man. And if you know your self well you can use your strong points to draw women closer to you. I like to make people laugh, so I draw them in by being funny or sharing something humorist. It relaxes them and allows me to bring them closer to my strengths, which can work more to my advantage. Iím a sexual cat and at times I find myself engaged in a conversation about sex, that is my strength, Iím enlightened as well interested in what others have to say about sex. So I have two things in my favor, sex and humor, topics that make the world go around. And itís important to do this with style and confidence. Women come, because I want to seduce them and they want to be seduced. I want to intrigue them as well as they want to be intrigued. Talk is cheap and actions are expensive. So be thrift in your moves. Make it mutual if youíre in a dominant position, sometimes ease up let her run shit for a while, and it can work well to keep her on your side. Being enticing gives the impression of casting a spell over her, but itís something that gives you an advantage in the bedroom. Continue to create that same intrigued in the bedroom, if you find yourself playing a role, play it to the fullest in the bedroom, majority of the women I know will play along. Itís what they find attractive about you; so keep it dangled out in front of them, enticing her to keep giving you what you want.
I donít have any greatest lines. I do use my best assets, which I believe are my smile or as Ebony Magazine calls it my own version of Black Cool. (August 2008 in case your wondering, lol) Itís an ease thatís developed over the year out of my experiences with so many different people. I know weíre just human, nothing extraordinary about one, but something extraordinary about us all. Being in a positive frame of mind, helps to deal with rejection or disappointments, keep the negative thoughts to a minimum and always put your best foot forward. Live in the moment, donít create situations that donít exist or havenít happened that keep you from living to the fullest. When I meet women as well as anybody I meet I look them in their eyes. I aint hiding nothing and I hope they donít either. And if thatís the case, itís cool, over time we can become comfortable with each other. If itís someone I find sexually attractive, you usually know immediately if it can go further sexually. They say women know from the minute of looking at you if they would have sex with you. So stay on the ready, be fly have confidence and of course have plenty of style.
The quote ĎClothes donít make the man, man makes the clothes.í Is true everywhere. They wouldnít get made otherwise. Wear what you have with confidence. This is true for both men and women. When I get up in the morning and get my clothes on, thatís it, Iím committed to what Iím wearing I think about it once and Iím out. Will the clothes help or hurt my attitude? Can I accomplish my goals in what Iím wearing? Once youíve answered that question move on, you should be able to remain confident if your wearing a t-shirt and jeans or suit and tie, women even if your in sweats at the grocery store, sell your attitude, men will look past what your wearing at be intrigued by your mind. I know, your best asset could be your body, so show it off, but if you get caught covering it up, catch their attention by being enticing or intriguing, even funny and show off your body later as a bonus. We donít need to do everything now we can seduce each other later. Pull out the big guns in the bedroom and really make an lasting impression, but to get the opposite sex there, you need to start the process now. I told someone recently, that I go a lot of places alone, I have no posse or group of people I hang with. I grew up for a time an only child, so I find peace in being by myself, it can be difficult when going places, even being who I am, it can be hard approaching someone. Your mind can play tricks on you; Am I attractive enough? Do I smell ok? Is there anything hanging out my nose? Dam I shouldíve wore the other shoes! All those thoughts are in your mind, so do what I do and keep them there. No use creating something that doesnít exist and is not positive to the cause. In discussing my going it alone in many situations, I realized that Iím patient and wait, Iíve learned to be ready when someone approaches. It gives me an advantage, to have them come to me cause I donít have the pressure of trying to impress and if I choose to impress and fail I can go back to being patient for the one Iím meant to intrigue. So remember live in the moment, if itís favorable to you, there will be little you can do to fuck it up and if itís not meant to be, itís cool cause there will be other times you can flex your black cool. Always keep composure and move on, there are more moments to come. Seduction is sexy with confidence. Be you and maximize your strengths at all times, bend things to your will and you will have favorable outcomes. Believe that. 100%.

Journal March 29, 2010
I can talk about 2 subjects that I deal with constantlyÖsex and business. But I rarely talk about love, something that keeps it all together. I read the quote ďThose that love each other are invincibleĒ by poet Walt Whitman, this morning and it made me realize how vulnerable I am. I know love, but where is itís place in my life? Seems Iím not forgiving the way I want to be forgiven, that anger and hurt are in place of love. Iíve wandered away from the things that mean something to me and there is a rage that quietly simmers, warning those away. Porn is corruptive. Itís invading places in my life I thought secure and safe. Eating away at emotions needed to survive a brutal world. My only savior, my family, is following my vulnerability with an openness of their own. People I am meant to protect have become susceptible to my errors. The success I calculated has been miscalculated and the price for that inaccuracy is a cost I donít know if I can afford. Itís unintentional of course, most things in life are, but where is the definition of love in all this? Does it make a last minute appearance? Will it save the day, once again or has that magic been used and abused one to many times? Leaving me hopeless.
Itís what I feel at this moment that matters most, some thought of hope is all I cling to, drifting along with so many others, grabbing on to whatever keeps us afloat. Wanting to love one another so that we donít die alone. And that is not always easy, because we forget to forgive others and we forget to forgive ourselves. I long for a better ending a story that truly inspires long after love has come and gone, that those who come after, love better than before. I hope Iím one of the ones that prove Walt right that love protects and makes stronger love is invincible.

Journal February 25, 2010
A few thoughts have grabbed my attention and they all have to do with women. What the fuck am I to do, when I think so hard about sex, where itís the one thing I just wanna focus on and let all this other shit fall off? WomenÖsexÖsee how they can distract from the norms of everyday shit? I know some of you are shaking your head (SMH) thinking ďGet past it idiotĒ. I do eventually, if unscathed then I consider myself lucky, cause I know or have been caught up in some things I know for a fact I wish I hadnít been. Feel me.
But that was earlier this week and todayís Wednesday (get your hump on day) and a new day. I look forward to Thursday just cause itís the day before Friday and that leads to the thoughts of women, clubs, music and the end of another week. Speaking of music, currently listening to ďAll the way turnt up- Roscoe Dash w/T-Pain (remix)Ē and Iím bouncing up and down as I type this. So ya know itís hard. So yeah, earlier this week I was on some sexual conquering shit, thinking about ass and pussy. Looking up pics online and in magazines to the point where I had to act out my sexual thoughts with willing participants. And thatís being bold, cause some people donít want to be dragged into your freakish fantasies, even if they are only in your mind, they have a way of finding their way out into the world and the rest of the world has to deal with fantasies of their own, they donít need mines too. Luckily I have ways, good ways, tried and true ways to express myself. But I admit I have intense thoughts, that some times even sex doesnít seem to relieve. Good thing I know how to walk, talk and write whatís going on in this brain of mine. Yeah walk, meaning going for one does wonders for your mind, so itís brilliant to think of many things at once, signs of genius, maybe.
By the time you read this it will be Thursday and women, music and sex are right around the corner. But being the smart man, Iíll just allow myself to enjoy the sound of music and the sight of women and keep the sex to myself.

Journal January 29, 2010
Been on some weird shit lately, not just what Iíve been smoking, but what Iíve been going through. Matter of fact, Iíve cooled out on smoking unless Iím at the club and someone passes me a blunt, havenít found a way to say ďNo thanksĒ yet, but Iím working on it. Last time I wrote a journal was a year ago, so long ago, that now I see more online journals and now they are called Blogs. I guess the purpose of this is to express the details of what youíre thinking and how that affects everybody else. As always Iíve been thinking about porn, pornstars and porn movies. And from what I can tell so is everybody else. Porn affects everybody, maybe thatís too bold a statement, but what Iíve experienced lately leads me to believe either porn is cheaper and more wide spread than ever or people are watching the same porn from 5 years agoÖover and over again. Could be both, because Iíve met people who still ask about Superhead as if sheís still making blowjob tapes and that has been over 10 years ago.
With the popularity of Twitter, Iíve learned more about my fellow porn stars through Ďtweetsí than if I had I just spent the last 2 hours fucking them. It also says something about me, because majority of the people I follow on Twitter are porn stars. I canít seem to not think about porn, even when Iím not working, I have a few ideas I need to express in order to feel fully satisfied by what I wanted to accomplish in porn maybe thatís where it comes from that Iím not finished yet with porn.
Once I got into porn I created a list of goals, based off what Iíve seen firsthand when it came to the business. One was perform naturally, but more than that, create naturally. Oh wait a minute, let me back up and be honest, first goal was to fuck bad bitches. Yep, I knew there was some good pussy in porn and I wanted some of it, asap. So I plotted my course along the way discovered some shit out about myself, but the main thing is I stuck with it. I donít wanna bore you with the details (I take that back too, aint nothing boring about porn or what Iíve been through, but Iím saving the details for another day) anyways fast forward to today, Jan/2010 and so far in the past few years Iíve won a few awards, saw the creation of the first black adult awards (Urban X Awards) created my own clothing line Daddy, Inc. (re-launching Summer 2010) and later this year my book is being released (titled: The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex ĖMr.Marcus; St.Martinís Press) you can pre-order it, keyword: Mr.Marcus. So with all that accomplished in the past 2 years, my eyes are now turned to creating a wayÖor company that secures my vision of what Iíve been striving for strongly these past few years, to build a brand through Mr.Marcus and Daddy, Inc by creating movies and products that have sex infused in them, I want to influence because Iíve been influenced by porn. And I donít think itís been in a bad way and thatís what Iíve been going through, how to prove good things can come from this business. If Playboy and Hustler or even Penthouse can create something positive out of porn, why canít I do the same? And thatís my goal for 2010 to have Daddy, Inc. become that sexual influence of a new decade the way those companies have influence me in the past.
If you go through the site, youíll notice were adding things to give you more insight into what Iíve been doing these past years and a peek at what I hope to accomplish in the next few months. Iím trying to bring that sexual explicit element that has been lacking in the past, so that you have your favorite movie or scene at your fingertip for when your in the mood. And I constantly update all my social network sites so youíll always know what Iím doing (although it wonít always be like that, cause I do like to disappear every once in awhile) through Twitter (akaMrMarcus) or Myspace and even on my own Mr.Marcus Forum. Iím here working hard or hardly working. Either way, the pics are coming, the movies are almost here and appearances are being scheduled. Hope to meet you soon, until then I appreciate your support. Be Daddy.
Next Journal: I like performing and fucking in porn flicks, but what I really want to do isÖdirect.

Journal October 9, 2009
What up. Itís been awhile I know, my mind wants me to write, but my body does what it wants to do, so itís a battle sometimes ya know. Luckily the mind has a way with things so here I amÖback again.
I donít want get into what Iíve been doing, cause itís been a lot, but it really is about whatís up right now. And right now Iíve been Twitter obsessed (@akaMrMarcus), I hate myself for tweeting every other day and sometimes, daily. I think itís not necessary, but there are moments when I wanna join the crowd and just participate in the BS. I can tweet about porn and sex, people love that, no matter whatís going in the world, we take time to talk about the sex. So maybe on a good day, youíll get a tweet about the beautiful women in the world, who provide the sexual thoughts that go on in my mind.
To be honest, I forget I have this outlet for the things that trouble, inspire and provoke me into writing, so I apologize for the long delay.
Fuck it...hereís whatís happened since the last time I posted the Journal. The big thing is Iíve had a birthday, yea for me. Iím 39 for those that need to know, some of the girls are going to say ďwhat? Heís too oldĒ and others will be ďdam, dude still looks cool for being so much older than I thoughtĒ. Either way I ainít 40 yet and I canít wait till I am. Just to get it over with have it done and out the way, I donít feel my age, guess you could say I have a young mind, but that birthday came and went like they all do. The big one is next year, guess thatís when it will really hit me. Age. A little frustrating news, Iíve been going through some things with Daddy, Inc. Business is a different animal, especially when it comes to an idea youíve turned into a business venture, Iím trying to understand the habitat, the dwellings of moving from an employee to an employer. I have to have a business ownersí mentality and Iím working on developing into one, a business owner. One thing to say it, itís another to actually do it.
Ok enough of that, just keep your eye out for Daddy, Inc. cause itís gonna be the Move.
Define. Acknowledge. Determine. Discipline Yourself (Daddy)
Lately Iíve been doing some traveling with more to come. I look forward to that, getting out of Cali., for a minute does me some good. The mind needs fresh air and sometimes you have to travel far from where your at to find it. In these past months Iíve been to North Carolina for my first male-revue hosting gig (North Carolina vs the World) co-hosted with fellow performer Prince, I met a few good people out there and look forward to going back out there againÖsoon. Just got back from Exxxotica out in Edison, NJ, you can see the pictures from that trip on just click Exxxotica í09. Upcoming cities: Chicago, NY, Detroit and a city in Alabama. To know whatís what, check on myspace and twitter to know what dates Iíll be in your city, come out and hang with me, Iíll do my best to inspire the best.

Journal June 1, 2009
In the past, I've said what I said and did what I thought. Sometimes it kept me in the game other times I've had to ride the bitch...bench. Either way, play to win, no matter the score keep going...reference the fundamentals, the structure can't be supported without the base, so make sure you start with one.
Do your homework, every and all things have an origin a history that becomes obscured by the envy, doubt and distract that occurs when your talking lifetime. Purpose comes to mind when I think of reason, individual momentum with significance and we stand by in awe.
Teachers tell you to do your homework, but not just the home work, the scrutiny that comes with inquiry. The study of amazing. So I tell you dear reader, even I find time to review what I know, for what I don't. You think school was over when you were handed that diploma, degree or demotion. Naw, it's a lifetime of lessons, fields of beautiful women and papers of lost money. Can't find your way? Do your homework get back to the source...the reason. Research and search further, nothing comes easy and we think it do. Hard work is your home work.

Journal April 3, 2009
I’m under attack, things are coming at me fast and furious. I’m getting some help though, someone to help push back the bullshit. If it was up to me, I’d be on a beach with a drink and a bitch. Happy. But it aint only up to me, I deal with others frequently and they seem to have a say in my happiness.
Los Angeles is getting crowded, can’t move where I want when I want, traffic causes nothing but interference. When I see that small jet taking off from Van Nuys airport, I wanna be on it, cause I know it’s flying over the interference. Nothing to get in it’s way, no traffic lights, fender benders or cute girls to honk the horn at. Just open space, sky’s unlimited and peanuts with a Sprite. Yeah I dream, dream big or go home, let others wallow in misery or confusion, I’m reaching high as fuck. Why not? When your under attack from things that work to disrupt or disturb your peace you gotta protect it, not with a gun, but with hope. Hope that one day you will touch the sky, enjoy the peacefulness of waves crashing on sun drenched beach or the pleasure of your woman and all her womaness. I hope that today is not a setback but a push forward to the possible dream that started blurry a long time ago, but is coming into focus, clarity giving way to that peacefulness that comes with hope.

Journal May 20, 2009
I wrote this passage for the book, it's longer than this, but this is an excerpt:

There are many forms of masturbation and it varies from men to women, where there is a will people have found a way. With stimulating yourself you are taking matters into your own hands. If you have had unsatisfying sex with someone, or have been close to orgasm but were unable to achieve it with your partner of choice, then masturbating offers an alternative. I tell people think the most explicit thought you have and fine-tune it to orgasm. Sometimes you don’t need a reason to validate the demand of a climax, it is necessary to clear the mind to deal with some issues, more clearly. And masturbating can help with that. For women your options are many. You don’t have to use anything but your mind, but if you need to feel something like many of you do, then toys have been made in abundance with you in mind. These sexual aids range from vibrators to Ben Wa Balls to the ever popular dildo. Although they can replicate the male penis, they cannot replace the real thing. But toy makers try hard to satisfy it’s growing number of women who would rather have something versus nothing to inspire that wanted sensation of stimulated sex. Most girls I know choose to use their fingers, placing them firmly on her clitoris she can rub gently or roughly depends on the desired degree of orgasm. Fingers are inserted if necessary and used to spark the infamous G-Spot into reacting. That elusive spot is located just inside the vaginal opening behind the clitoris on the front of the vaginal wall. If you were to insert a finger into the vagina, you would then turn and bend your finger up and make a “cum hither” motion with your finger and you would be tapping the spongy area called the G-Spot. The more aroused a female is the more of a response you can elicit from her.
Mood plays a roll in inflaming the sexual spirit. Generating a feeling, seducing a thought out of your deeper senses inducing an anticipation of excitement and release. Until finally you gotta fuck.

Journal March 27, 2009
From scratch I write. My pen is a keyboard and my paper a screen. I am you and you are me. We just haven't met...yet, there is no mirror between us, cause the only time I see one, I see me. But when I see Her I see her tits perky and promising, I see her crotch, jeans and what they are offering. That offer of brief protection my erection curved where it matters and it's just a suggestion. She has my attention, as though attention is all I have. But women never only want half any girl says she's good makes me laugh. Arsenal of thoughts, wits and ideas used to gather favor, work so I earn so choose your labor...wisely. Experience is experience so respect or despise me, observe or define me, this is my life from scratch.

Journal March 20, 2009
What up world? When you got gigs lined up, you just wanna focus on the work, so that’s what I’ve been doing. But it does the mind some good to get a few thoughts out of your system and into world. This has been a Hustla’s Year, I definitely feel as though those who were held up one way or another this is ya time to shine, to get what you've been wanting. That mind is a powerful tool if used the right way, do good and good goes around.
On the grind in 2009 all my homies are making moves, like we supposed too, Barack has inspired a legion of likeminded individuals to keep it very chuuuch. If you find yourself stuck or struggling, look up…sky’s unlimited. God is waiting, all he ask is that we go to him. Not the bottle, blunt or booty. A prayer a day keeps the haters at bay. Do it all day if ya have to, but just do it. It does the soul some good, feel me.
This is the day and age, where we look out for another, show them love when they show you hate. Extend a hand when all they offer is their back, support counts for 100% of success. So if ya see me keep it 100 and while we practice patience and wait for God to do his thing, I'll make sure to keep a bottle of Goose, a few blunts and a group of bangin booty close by just in case it takes a minute. God bless.

Journal March 17, 2009
I made a choice of living between lives, forgetting the truth for as long as I can remember. Spitting it out like watermelon seeds from something that is so juicy and sweet. Drooling out words as if they were wet, swallowing thoughts like water and running out of reasons like a drought. My statements drowned in silence, meaning struggles to stay afloat.
A killer of words is criminal in action, gangster in ways an abolisher of truths. Lies meant to be told. We threaten those who swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Our asphyxiation of freedom reduces our sensation, but I sense to be free, so I will be. Why perjure yourself when in this world all we ask is to be honest. Choose your words wisely define your world fiercely so that you can live your life, boldly.

Journal March 3, 2009
Been lost in Pornoland, in the neighborhood of anal sex, city of blowjobs and county of creampies. Girls who know dick by the size and how much money it makes. Or how much money they make by getting to know it. Dudes who ego dictates how they fuck, when they fuck and who gets fucked. A battle of dick and pussies that never have a clear winner until I lose myself in that war, finding myself deep in some thighs staring hard at a hairy vagina ready to beat it up. Passing thoughts of is she really into it or into herself. This valley of cum shots and baby wipes leaves us in a shower of relief. My sex life has taken a whippin, where there was bliss there is now welts and belts, waiting again for that moment of euphoria. This town of explicit happenings drives me through street lights of standstill pausing until I can continue to go on my way through this ghetto of devotion.
Let me back away from the cliff of complaint and settle in a more passionate form of amusement. Artistic expression. I like writing it’s therapeutic, a special brand of medicine for that disease called frustration. My pen to your paper and the thoughts of deep dark despair remove themselves. A light shines past the muck and reveals your true gift, expression. Whether you’re a cartoonist, a theorist or an exhibitionist finding a way to express yourself will do wonders for us. Cause we get to celebrate your genius. Yes, I’m talking to you reading this…we can stand to hear another side of the complaint one that is in praise. Give us the good things or you’ll find yourself in a town of gagging bitches, hating every minute of it.
Unless gagging is your thing…

Journal February 16, 2009
Some fool broke into my car today, stole a few the change I keep in the ashtray and the Valentines card I got for my mom and grandma. Petty shit I know, but I hate things gettin' stolen from me, no matter what they are. If you want something ask, I might just give it to you. Fucked me up cause I was at home when it happened. If I would've caught the cat in the act, I don't know, maybe I would've hurt the muthafucka.
I've had the worst luck with cars and shit gettin stolen, once I had a Suzuki Samarai that got stolen when I was visiting a friend in L.A., I had spent the night and when I got up in the morning the lil jeep was gone. I was pissed. Called the cops, they filed a report and by late evening I had found it...yeah "I" found it, I found it parked behind the liquor store down the street from where it was stolen. Whoever stole it used it to transport aluminum cans to a recyclable plant. A receipt from the plant was the only thing still in the car. I thought about doing some detective work, but I was just happy to have my Suzuki back.
This time around dam crackheads also took a few of my hats. 'Not the hats...anything but the hats'. I thought as I took inventory of what was missing. I aint really trippin' though, cause I know people go through much worse. Just hate when people steal shit...
I gotta be honest about something, when I was younger I used to steal all kinds of shit, I was young and dumb. Because of that, I believe that the karma I've had with things getting stolen from me is because of what I did when I was younger. I don't steal shit now, at all, matter of fact I rather give it to you, then have it taken from me. So, just know where I'm coming from, I'm bummed now, but I'll get over it.

Journal January 9, 2009
Integrity the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles: moral uprightness…slightly bent.
The condition of being unified, unimpaired and uninterrupted. Sound in construction. We are born sound in construction, nothing you need or want, it’s all there in birth. Somewhere the system became corrupt, heavily.
Where I live, I’ve been watching these cats construct a two-story home, even tho the cats have rotating shifts, I watch them work in unison…to complete the process. If you can win as an individual you can win as a team. So I’m peeping them out, if you work construction…chime in…but they work together to reach a goal. Cool shit, I’ve seen things get built before, one day it’s an empty lot and a few weeks later it’s an apartment building. Kid’s running into the street, cars on the lawn and a group of people planning for a better future. But you never noticed the work that goes into it, the plans, design and foundation. One day it’s a dry lot with even drier weeds and the next it’s a haven for inspiration and integrity.
Integrity is what you start with, strengthen your foundation, work out the cracks, smooth over the bumps and toughen up your core. Breed power. Simple is strong.

On another note, should we wear shirts that say DON’T SHOOT ! ?

Journal December 22, 2008
This time of year, is that time of the year when we struggle…naw not struggle, hate that word, maybe a better way of saying it is we're dealing with a heavier load. Ending the current year and preparing for the New Year, reflecting on this year's high and lows, recognizing your mistakes and appreciating your successes. The main thing I notice when looking around, is we get through it, we still keep at it ultimately we find a way. So the word struggle cannot apply here, because it has already been done, we did that at birth. So now you just have to maintain…get through whatever you feel is harder, heavier.
Aint got much money, but you have much love…friends and family exist, even if you aint talking to them. Now would be the time to peep out that word "forgiveness". Yeah that word, had to and have to do it myself, quite often I might add, but even more so around this time of year. I need it, so I give it. Simple as that, but there is always that feeling in your head of needing to let some shit go, make room for new shit, forgiveness has a way of clearing space. You have the ability you were born with it.
This time of year gives you the chance to wrap it up and start fresh for the new year, change your perspective and create opportunity. Using 'forgiveness' because we can be hard on ourselves and in turn be harder on others. Make peace with it and you move through this time of year easier. Now if your all good and you deal with forgiving cats all year long or you stay in the holiday spirit then consider yourself blessed and share your good fortune with others.

Journal December 17, 2008
What is happening to us? Are we asking the right questions, finding the right answers walking the right path? Hard to tell, I feel one thing and think another. The confusion is compounded by the Obama effect -that there is no excuse for not trying, that anything is possible. Should I write to impress or just say what the fuck I am thinking. That's funny, cause that properly introduces both sides of the argument. If I had to look up every grammar error or search whole-heartedly through a dictionary confirming I spelled every word right it would diluent what the fuck I'm trying to say, and that's what I do. Ya get that? That's how it is. Obama effect, made me pay attention, the same way Sugar Hill Gang turned me on to a new form of music. Rap. I'm a rap fan because I peeped out LL Cool J rock the Kango and never take the muthafucka off or the fact that Kool Moe Dee had the those big ass cover your face sunglasses and he was supa cool that way. And they were the first rap battle that produced a "whose gonna win" interest. Those feelings were revisited when Obama started his run for presidency and the nudge was look at this cat who holds his own in a place where so many cats fall off, As a brotha born in the U.S.A. I've seen some shit where it wasn't right. And knew we gotta do somethings to change that. So the push to act is stronger when you experience a unjust reality. So fuck it, here I am talking about choices, choosing some punctuated articulate method of communicating or an abstract, reverb invented to express the exact nature of who we are. I choose the latter.
As I reread this I'm realizing it was really about what is happening to me...but you can chime in if ya want, just had to write what was up.

Journal November 26, 2008
Gotta say "thank you" to Norfolk, VA for reppin in a real way. Nothing but love everywhere we went. I rode up there with Beauty Dior as she did her thang, thanks to DJ Joe Pro and the Queen of girl Pat. I aint good with names and places, so give me a minute and I'll tell ya where we ate, stayed and you can do the same. Much love to the VA. Here's the update:
We hosted the party a spot called The House. The strip club Beauty Dior danced at is called Liquid Blue, I got a juicy steak from McCormick & Schmidt and I partied at a after hour spot know as After Midnight (membership only spot)...VA showed much love and it was an honor to party there. Cheers.

Journal October 11, 2008
I saw this article on and I thought I'd share it. It's some shit, I'm applying to my future as a millionaire. Believe that.

-Many people assume they aren't rich because they don't earn enough money. If I only earned a little more, I could save and invest better, they say.

The problem with that theory is they were probably making exactly the same argument before their last several raises. Becoming a millionaire has less to do with how much you make, it's how you treat money in your daily life.

The list of reasons you may not be rich doesn't end at 10. Caring what your neighbors think, not being patient, having bad habits, not having goals, not being prepared, trying to make a quick buck, relying on others to handle your money, investing in things you don't understand, being financially afraid and ignoring your finances.

Here are 10 more possible reasons you aren't rich:

You care what your car looks like: A car is a means of transportation to get from one place to another, but many people don't view it that way. Instead, they consider it a reflection of themselves and spend money every two years or so to impress others instead of driving the car for its entire useful life and investing the money saved.

You feel entitlement: If you believe you deserve to live a certain lifestyle, have certain things and spend a certain amount before you have earned to live that way, you will have to borrow money. That large chunk of debt will keep you from building wealth.

You lack diversification: There is a reason one of the oldest pieces of financial advice is to not keep all your eggs in a single basket. Having a diversified investment portfolio makes it much less likely that wealth will suddenly disappear.

You started too late: The magic of compound interest works best over long periods of time. If you find you're always saying there will be time to save and invest in a couple more years, you'll wake up one day to find retirement is just around the corner and there is still nothing in your retirement account.

You don't do what you enjoy: While your job doesn't necessarily need to be your dream job, you need to enjoy it. If you choose a job you don't like just for the money, you'll likely spend all that extra cash trying to relieve the stress of doing work you hate.

You don't like to learn: You may have assumed that once you graduated from college, there was no need to study or learn. That attitude might be enough to get you your first job or keep you employed, but it will never make you rich. A willingness to learn to improve your career and finances are essential if you want to eventually become wealthy.

You buy things you don't use: Take a look around your house, in the closets, basement, attic and garage and see if there are a lot of things you haven't used in the past year. If there are, chances are that all those things you purchased were wasted money that could have been used to increase your net worth.

You don't understand value: You buy things for any number of reasons besides the value that the purchase brings to you. This is not limited to those who feel the need to buy the most expensive items, but can also apply to those who always purchase the cheapest goods. Rarely are either the best value, and it's only when you learn to purchase good value that you have money left over to invest for your future.

Your house is too big: When you buy a house that is bigger than you can afford or need, you end up spending extra money on longer debt payments, increased taxes, higher upkeep and more things to fill it. Some people will try to argue that the increased value of the house makes it a good investment, but the truth is that unless you are willing to downgrade your living standards, which most people are not, it will never be a liquid asset or money that you can ever use and enjoy.

You fail to take advantage of opportunities: There has probably been more than one occasion where you heard about someone who has made it big and thought to yourself, "I could have thought of that." There are plenty of opportunities if you have the will and determination to keep your eyes open.-

So there ya go, takes discipline, luck and blessings. Might sound difficult, but difficult isn't impossible.

Journal September 26, 2008
10 Qualities that Americans look for in a President

1. The courage to stay strong
2. Self-confidence
3. An ability to learn from errors
4. A willingness to change
5. Emotional intelligence
6. Self-control
7. A popular touch
8. A moral compass
9. A capacity to relax
10. A gift for inspiring others

Actually these were the qualities that were discovered in past successful Presidents of the U.S. There were 2 that they based these on, Abraham Lincoln & Franklin Delano Roosevelt. But those same qualities are being used to determine if either John McCain or Barack Obama would measure up...
They are key leadership qualities and I felt all patriotic and I posted them for you, to use at will. I'm applying them to being Daddy, you...apply them where necessary.

Journal August 24, 2008
You are who you are, good and bad, right or wrong. Be it Sunday a gun day or TGIF it's all week being you. Aint that grand. But here's the kick in yo ass, you don't know shit. Can't tell me what's gonna happen tomorrow cause it aint happened...yet. And on top of that, you don't know when it's gonna happen. Me, I find comfort in that. I like to see things develop in good time. Yeah that's pretty much it for me, all good things come to those who wait. Patience IS key.
Obama for President
Nas delivering a record as good maybe even better than Street Disciple.
Porsche maintaining status and stature with the 997.
Adult film star Mr.Marcus revealing his flair for style and presence with Daddy, Inc. and DaddyGirl.
USA finally winning the gold in Men's Basketball.
The new Knight Rider getting it wrong.
Batmam getting it right.

Good eventually comes to those who keep the faith. Believe that. Never give up.

Journal June 24, 2008
Been awhile since I wrote some thoughts down. I was thinking about porn and why I do it. Cause I'm horny would be the logical answer, but can you be too horny? Can you not think of fuckin' someone? Shit, I do it a lot. I kinda think we all do. Some of us get more than our share, while some are finding it scarce out there, insufficient for the demand. Not enough sex to go around, or plenty for the takin'. What a struggle. I have spiritual struggles too, don't trip. My head get's all fucked up, I just go back to thinking I'm human and to err is to be human.
But I constantly challenge that thought, by thinking I can DO BETTER. And I know I will do better. Got that. So I will be horny for now, but I will soon help someone who will in turn help me feel a little more human.

Journal April 14, 2008
Felt like going back awhile and telling you what made me wanna get into the adult industry. For me it started in '94, but if you really wanna go back-back...then it was 5 years earlier when I made the decision to pursue it, whole-heartedly...I was 19 and sex was something I was consumed by. Like every other 19 year old. Actually it goes even further than that if you wanna get technical about it, but it aint necessary, cause once I made the decision it was all about the future and making it happen. Just like Daddy, Inc. to be real about it...but that's a developing be told later.
You see I was around before the internet and before blacks were really making it in a industry that is still predominately white, but I didn't give a fuck, cause I never saw them being better than me, I saw myself as equal or better. And my true focus was the sex and even more so...the women. I found myself doing what I had been wanting to do and all I could think of is how to keep doing it. Sex is such a mental thought proceeded only by acting it out, but remember those of you with no sexual restraint, you have a choice to just keep it mental. This porn industry gave me an opportunity to act out a lot of...mental thoughts. And for that, I respect it. Hence the name Mr.Marcus. Over the years I've watched it grow and change and more people become involved, I've seen it's acceptance expand and it's challenges multiply. The internet played a huge part in reaching more people and keeping their desires...private. Women came in larger numbers and were confident and commanding. Pure participation on my part and even more observation. I've seen people come and go, literally, but I remained mostly out of will, cause I've been hated and all that did was reinforce my desire to remain relevant. If you need me to name names, I'd have to list as many more who loved and inspired till this's love. And respect.
So it's 2008, 14 years later and this is where I'm man, myspace and Daddy. And I aint that reflective, cause to last this long, you have to refresh everything and have a short memory. I have this imaginary button I push, I call it a "reset" button. You know how Staples has the "easy" button? I have this big red button I push, that resets everything I've done and makes it new again. I forgive more people that way and I do things as if I'm doing it for the first time. It helps when you have a bad day, experience or defeating thought, reset it and move on. Remember in Lion King when Simba gets hit on the head and ask "what was that for" and Rafiki says "doesn't matter it's in the past". That's how I see things in the sexual performance business. Feel me. I like sex and with that comes certain expectations that are seldom met and sometimes exceeded, but in the early days I'd have these bad days, cum to soon, couldn't keep wood or a defeating thought and I had to learn how to let it go "cause it's in the past". Over the years I've grown to understand no one can be as hard on you as you are to yourself, so when ya hear a hater they aint saying nothing you don't already know and haven't already thought of yourself, so cancel them out, they don't matter cause you've thought it and it's in the past. Once you learn that, it's easier to refresh and find new ways to enjoy doing something you love, even when you go through the necessary bad you will once again find the good in what your doing.
So yeah, I decided to get in the adult business, cause I was curious...who were these people having sex and recording it? I had to find out. And like I said, the only people I could relate to was the black dude, cause he looked like me, sorta, ya know we have essence and that comes through in everything we do. So I knew I could be apart of this business. And I aint lying, just look at how many brotha's ask me how can they get in the business (that'll be a book sometime in the future) if I had the internet back in '94 I probably would've asked someone too. But being black brings it's own set of challenges, cause ya know this is the most racist business in the world and being in it, subjects you directly to it. Remember how I said "refresh"...well you don't actually refresh when it comes to racism, you definitely remember. And I remember some shit, that'll remind you constantly of what your up against. So how do you find ways to flourish...? Get creative, become forgiving and work hard to change...especially from the inside-out. You out-smart, embrace conviction and have faith that while you were once curious you are now doing and the changes you wanna see are the ones YOU make.
Not to make the industry as being completely negative and some shit you have to overcome. Really I was fuckin' and still fuckin' white hoes and black ones. It was sex, not some political least not yet. The idea of what this business (the porn industry) meant to others would manifest itself overtime, I wasn't expecting it the day a couple approached me and shared how much they watched porn and how much they appreciated it. I was 2 years in and had only met men, not their ladies who watched porn. For every 15 guys who acknowledge they watched porn, I'd get 2 very shy girls who said they had seen and enjoyed a flick. Times change. Now the women are giving the men a run for their money. And far as I can tell the men are loving it. So now I was beginning to understand what this meant to others. I knew what it meant to me and I was driven by it, but for others to feel the same...was new to me. Real shit and this was in '96 a pivotal year for me, cause I went through a lot of changes personally. I had my first daughter, met and hung out for a minute with Tupac, felt sadness when he died, lost my Aunt (2nd Mom) to cancer, got my first of many tattoo's, directed my first movie and almost lost my daughter to Benign Infancy Epilepsy she stopped breathing for 6 seconds. That'll change your life, the whole year changed my life. 1996 still I dwell, is a incredible year, the blessings of a child. Remember I was and am a porn performer, so to have a child, let alone a daughter brings new light to dark corners. Shit I'm still trying to keep illuminated. So now the mind opens up to what can and cannot be, now life has deeper meaning, meanwhile I'm in porn. So the racist shit really don't matter as much and what this business produces on the daily benefits many sexually active households and now I am aware of it, that first couple let me in on that secret. After '96 I now understood what it meant to other people inside and out, those who would sing it's praises and those who would taunt it's evil. Creating a conflict with who I am and who I thought would be.
For a few years I was single, my wife has been with me throughout the 14 years I've been in the business, she's always had my back, gave me shit and stood by me all in one breath. But there was a time when we weren't together, she had had enough and was out. I filled the void by dating, fucking and dancing with as many women as possible, I would work on a set all day and then go out with the girl I worked with or someone else who was also looking for company for the night. Things I'm sure people still do, but now the internet means you aint gotta look far. I'd be in the clubs, notoriously...I love the clubs...just flirting and fucking around. I was and still am drawn to the music, the drinks and the dancing, the socializing that exist at 2 am is legendary. I get it when I meet musician cats who are in the studio all night long, I am definitely a night hawk and being out in every city I go to is something I gotta do. This went on strong for almost 5 years, until Sept.11th and then that changed everything. So between 1996 and 2001 it was a very sexual time for me, but on that day I believe we all sobered up. I called my wife that morning and was there 30 minutes later, clinging on to the one thing that My place in this industry has posed many problems for me, but the one that always challenged is the raising of a family, especially keeping one together. I remember one-time a porn producer who owned a big company got raided (the FBI periodically raids a few adult companies to see if they are compliant with federal law) by FBI agents, but instead of just targeting his business, they targeted his home, where his family was, the neighbors the news made a spectacle of him. I wondered how that felt, cause you have to keep the family together through all that goes on around you. Especially if your Daddy. Feel me. It's gonna keep coming back to that for me, being Daddy. I think that everything has a purpose, whether it's old or new, just bought or found will find a way of inspiring you. Kids, a wife, religion, sex, friends, clubs, a shot of Patron', a FBI raid, a internet blog or for me...being Daddy has inspired me to be more than what I am. I knew I wasn't done, that last bit was meant to describe my feelings about why we change and what it is that inspires us to change. At one point it was reported I was going to retire, a friend of mine who also happens to be a gossip columnist posed the question, "so now that your married guess your gonna retire...right?" My reply "retire from what...? Fuckin'?" To be honest I never meant to take it this far, so to retire from what I love to do, wasn't gonna happen immediately. I could fuck less...but not stop altogether. But I had to entertain the thought, I got kids and a family, how am I gonna keep doing this and be a father figure (ie: DADDY) Well as many before me have figured out, you find balance. You find peace and work hard at changing it so you can chill and do other things. I'm writing this cause it's necessary for me do this other thing. Feel me. I could and will talk about sex, actually it's therapeutic when I do. I've fucked so many women I could tell you about all the different types and the experiences. Like the time I had a girl get on top of me while I was driving on the freeway and she rode me, cowgirl style. How is that possible? You get in the slow lane push the seat back, so there's enough room for the two of you and you're still able to reach the pedals. She faces you and you lean to the side to see what's in front of you, all of this is done at an hour on the freeway where there is minimum traffic. She was a petite girl, so that helped a bit, cause she was able to ride without to much interference. It aint safe, I don't recommend it, but I'm sure I aint the only one whose gotten away with it. I did it in a movie once, in a golf cart, but I don't know the title of the movie, a few people who've seen it commented about it said it was dope. Just so ya know, I aint lyin'. Sex happens, everywhere. True what they say, where there is a will there is a muthafuckin' way. I will talk about sex, cause it's what I know, thanks for reading.

Things are know where your going, know where you've been. God bless.
I know this blog has turned into a release of thoughts that I have about what I do. But I hope that if you were to take it apart you'd know how to put it all back together. You'd get it, all of it.

dam this shit just goes on and on, at first when I started writing it, I thought it'd be some shit where I give ya'll some background. Some history, but then I start thinking about things that I wanna go deeper in. It's just like when I'm in some pussy and I want to go deeper with it, cause I know the good stuff is up in there. With writing I have a LOT to say and I wanna go deeper with it, but there's no way to really do this here, cause some cats do not want to read all the bullshit. So I'm apologizing for spreading this out and not going deeper into detail with it. I have a very sexual history, but the deeper I go with it, the longer it takes to get to the end. So I'm done with this for now, can't edit it no more, but know I started this to see just how deep I can go and I believe I've proved my point.

Journal March 16, 2008
This weekend I’m working on a few things. Currently writing a book, that’s due May 1st 2008 so I’ve been in the library and I’ve spent a few days researching on the net, the book topic is of course; Sex. Funny cause I’m kinda of educating myself in the process. And the process consist of fleshing out my experiences versus what can educate others and in doing this, I’m learning some things myself. I don’t wanna jinx the process so I’ll tell you the title and deeper subject matter closer to completion. The site is developing and coming along Jay (web-designer/master) and I we are constantly tweaking your experience. I hope to have the site running smoothly, the challenge has been to incorporate new ideas and original content into a seamless format. We’re close in achieving that, I ask you check out the member’s area if you currently are not a member, you should be. We have NEW explicit clips and hardcore content you can’t find anywhere else, with more coming. All delivered with a personal touch you can’t find anywhere else and I pride myself on having the experience (14 years as an adult performer), drive and determination to achieve….sound like a salesman, huh? Sorry about that, I appreciate your support, glad you’re here and hope you like what you see, we will continuously update the site, so keep coming back and fuckin wit me. Appreciated. 100%.

Journal March 5, 2008
So here we are a new year, new things and some of the same ol’ same ol. But this is good cause no need to explain things anymore meaning I have comfort in knowing I’ve done some good things in the past and plan to do even better things in the future. I appreciate your support through all these years and I plan to give back what a lot of cats have given me, love.
When I was younger I was worried and concerned about what people thought and how they felt about what I did and still do, but I find that what I do is unique and with that nobody can say much, cause it’s my thing and I do it with good intentions. Sex has always been a part of my life, but I have the unique experience of actually performing it on camera so other cats can enjoy it, never knew they would be learning from it also. And that brings me to the site. I will now more than ever provide those long sought after scenes, those rare scenes and some of my personal favorites…right here on my site for you to enjoy and maybe learn a thing or two.
Thank you for coming through and I will always appreciate your support.

Journal for October 26, 2007
Today I looked at photos of my family. Made me realize how important family is... I was mad at my mom for some bullshit so I aint talked to her for a couple of days, but tonight I'm looking at photos of me and her feeling like "dam I need to call my mom". It's a dope picture of her and I, so if I'm able... I'll provide a link to it, so you can see how dope we are. My family.
In my family I have a step-dad who is a cool muthafucka, my sister who I give much tough love too and my mom who has held me down, since day one. She's a little gangsta in her methods and hood in character. She's doper than any woman I know. It was just me and her for about 10 years and then suddenly I had a family, guess it happens like that, especially when your young, you roll with what life gives you. My family is here, safe and sound, it's what I realize is a blessing. No doubt... so yeah I'm gonna call my mom and let her know I love her, cause even in our madness... forgiveness is the key.

Journal for October 23, 2007
You know what good sex is...? Your moanin' and strokin', deep in your thoughts and you lose yourself. And good sex is the discovery...finding yourself through sex. At the end you've learned something about yourself that you didn't know before. That's good sex. Whether you like it hard, so hard it hurts a little and it's rough cause your doing things with your body you didnt know you could do. Like putting a leg where it don't belong, but keeping it there, because it feels just right. Or maybe you like it slow as fuck, setting a pace to savory every thought and feeling creating a action inciting a reaction. Knowing exactly what your doing, how your doing and why your doing it....swagger in the bedroom. Keeping control of your movement, slow as fuck.
Either way the discovery of good sex.

Journal for October 9, 2007
In my last journal I was concerned with results I had received when I had went and was checked out for life insurance (should I even be saying that...?) ya know they check your blood and urine, see if they should cover you... I was coverable. But when I looked at the labs results I realized things should change. Feel me. I get it... so I expressed it, cause I was feeling it.
I'm still able to do the things I want to do, I'm like night and day. Really. In the morning I'm in the gym, weightlifting and sweating, by noon I'm on set, creative, working and by night I'm in the club drinking a rum and coke. Drives my family crazy. But this is me 100% I've been this way for a minute. Seriously. I know I aint the only one, by the looks of it I'm in good company.
So yeah my last journal, didn't mean to scare ya, I scared myself. I'll be fine if I just take things in moderation. And drink plenty of water, which I do, blood test came back said I was fine. Scratched my head on that one... but I'll take it.
Daddy, Inc. is coming along, if you don't know you should... site is up and running, one of my first orders was to France (how fucked up is that, took me 2 weeks to finally figure out how to get the shit out to them). I've had a few orders since that need to go to Hawaii and Canada so another week and soon they'll get there's. I wasn't expecting the need for larger sizes I only had Smalls and Mediums (I got smaller sizes cause I usually give them away to people who could wear them on the spot). So I have to apologize to those who ordered the larger sizes and have not yet received them... they're on their way. I'm looking to expand the line by the end of the month, with larger sizes, original designs and bolder colors. Plus the hoodies and pullovers that cats are asking for. They are all on their way. 100%. I appreciate your support.

Journal for September 5, 2007
Ok, we were supposed to launch Daddy, Inc. officially yesterday from the websites; and, unfortunately we were unable to do that. However you can still go to the website and view the select clothes available. I offer in place of our formal site, a opportunity to still order/recieve clothing, by contacting me directly. I will personally fulfill each and every order personally, until we get the site up and running 100%. All I ask is you email me directly and tell me what size and color you want.
You'll notice on the site I now offer DaddyGirl and BadDaddy Clothing in various colors and sizes. I have more styles and designs coming, but I gotta be a work in progress, if ya don't mind. I appreciate your support and will continue to do my best. Email me directly at:

Again I appreciate your support and the site should be up in a few days.

thanks for fuckin' wit me...

Journal for September 2, 2007
Thank God for Hip-Hop, if not for it, we'd die an early death. Hip-Hop is alive and well, living off the streets it was born from. In and out of a few pockets, laced up in Converse and Nikes, up a girls skirt and down her chest hip-hop gives a fuck. Hip-hop is birth and it is also death, Jam Master Jay shed blood sacrificed on two turntables and a microphone. Tupac is still Wesssstside and Biggie is still getting pussy.
You'd think that break-dancing would have broken a few necks and sprained enough backs to make skate boarding a tame alternative. The two have much in common, scrapes and cuts alike, you bleed your culture cause it's a part of you. Hip-hop. The pain of never having it, is smothered by its abundance, it feeds the masses, cause we need to breath, eat and shit Hip-hop.
There's enough for everybody and everybody wants some, cause it's necessary, very necessary. Who else would say "Fuck the Police" or holla "I like big butts and I cannot lie" and scream "Heeeyyyy we want some pussy". But know enough to know it's not enough to just say what the streets are thinking; hip-hop opens your mind with "Dear Mama" and sits them down with "If I ruled the World". Don't give KRS-One a classroom cause he'll school you. It's his "Philosophy". And it's definitely mine, too. Thank God for hip hop.

Journal for August 22, 2007
Having a thoughtful day. I found out yesterday that my liver might be failing. Alcohol is the culprit. I'm sure. So now, I must refrain from drinking. My favorite spot to drink.El Torito. It's fucked up, cause I got a birthday coming up (Sept. 4) and isn't that what we do on our birthdays? Drink. So now I gotta avoid the usual. Guess that could be a good thing, I'm curious to see how my body reacts to this new development. Maybe my liver will start to heal. I've read it doesn't, only the lungs seem to get better the minute you stop smoking. The liver, once the damage is done it's permanent, let's hope it's not true, I need my body parts to remain intact.
So needless to say I had to reflect on that, it caused me to be sick for a day, thoughts of my liver had me thinking I was dying. In truth I'm not, I can still make a difference. So I will.
Spent a few hours working on Daddy, Inc. have to get clothes ready for September 4th, launch. Very important and I'm working on getting funding in place. This has cost me money and time, but this is worth I do it. But having proper in funding would relieve the stress and give me some sense of relief. I'm much a better person when I'm happy, creative, horny and sexual. Yeah I just had a huge smile. Yep I like sex and lately I've been too busy to have it or enjoy it. I'm almost tempted to just have random sex with a I used to do. Shit did wonders for my mental, now I have to many thoughts of why I shouldn't instead of why I should. Fucked up. When did that happen? I know when I said to myself "Daddy, Inc. that's gonna be my thang". Once I made that decision everything changed...

Dear Muthafucka friend...
I've been away for awhile cause I went away and dealt with some shit I hadn't truly dealt with before. And now I'm back with Daddy, Inc. my company, my friends, my understood. Real shit. Like Mary J.
If you ever felt like... I love sex, but I can't tell anyone... guess what tell me I'll understand. And if you don't tell me, tell someone who wouldn't give a fuck. Glad your back, I'll give you what I got...

Thanks for the support and God bless the sexual

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